Tuesday, December 13, 2005

Charlie Chan says "Suck it"

I wish I had my own Charlie Chan fighting robot. I would make it do my job for me so that I didn't have to do paperwork. When things got tough I would just turn him loose on idiots and I would program all sorts of cool catch phrases for him to exclaim before he killed. Such as:

"Where the hood at?"

"I eat children!"

"Make mine a double."

"Life ain't nothin but bitches and hoes."


"Dow Cargill owns your ass!"

Basically he would be a lean mean killing machine that would confuse people so that there last minute on earth was as incoherent as they made my life before my robot took their life.

"I got a fever, and the only prescription is MORE COWBELL!"

What else should Charlie Chan say?


Anonymous Chavez said...

I am concerned about the Quality of your work if you make the fighting robot do your paperwork. I mean sure, he is witty and has a rotating knife vortex for a fist, but can he type 60 words a min? Does he wear the *same* tie to work every day? Does he sit still at meetings? It would be cool to have some indestructable killing machine to screen your calls and address people when they need an audience (like my boss' secretary - I think she may be a fighting robot), but killing your coworkers doesnt necessarily equal career advancement.

Boss: "Sethonius, I mean Charlie Chan Fighting Robot, have you met your quota this quarter?"
Fighting Robot: "Put your two heads together and make a whole ass!"
Boss: "There's only one of me here"
Fighting Robot: -engage-flamethrower-

Might be a career limiting move there, bro.

10:39 AM PST  
Anonymous Chavez said...

Oh yeah, he should also say "Vulcan Neck Pinch!!" before he comes down on someone like a ton of bricks.

10:42 AM PST  

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