Shitty Ass Game

I went to the Giants game last night with my friend Gunner (name has been changed to protect the innocent). Not only did the giants get the asses kicked, chewed, digested and then turned into compost but we were stuck in the "Assholes Only" section. I asked Gunner how we got stuck in this section and he said it was because he was playing tennis and accidentally hit a hummingbird. Think Big Unit's run in with a pigeon and a fastball... I know he didn't do it on purpose, I mean he's a vegan for chrissakes. The baseball gods however saw fit to place us in the section that was chock full of assholes.

As all two of my readers are aware Barry Bonds is trying to tie Babe Ruth's record of 714 home runs. Last night had perfect conditions for him to excel, it was warm, the wind was blowing the right direction and I fully expected him to hit 714 and 715. When Barry comes up to the plate Gunner and I stood up out of respect for a baseball legend (don't give me that shit about the clear and the cream, he's a damn fine player). And from behind me I hear the raspy voice of an unloved bitter old bitch "Sit DOWN!, Down in front. Are you deaf I said SIT DOWN!"

I asked Gunner "You hear that?"

"No." he replied.

Barry struck out, but that dumb cunt decided to carry on about the standing thing. She made one more comment and then threw trash at us. WHAT THE FUCK! Both of us lost it a little bit. I turned around and popped the stink eye at everyone behind us. They were all guilty in my mind. Then a nice middle aged woman said. "Wasn't me it was her." And who did she point to? None other than...

OK so it wasn't really Danny DeVito but it was a dead ringer for the Penguin. Eww. She had stringy unwashed hair, purple dyed eyebrows, a hook nose, awful teeth and a squat waddly stature. She was an abomination of mankind. I think even penguins would find her disagreeable.

Gunner snapped "Why don't you stand up BITCH! Show some respect."

She had no response. Why do people think it is OK to yell at someone until they push back? She sat back in her seat with a smug look on her face. San Franciscans really think that the world revolves around them. I paid the same price for my seat and if I want to stand then I can. Get off your sorry, unfucked, penguin ass and stand up. If you are too short stand on your damn seat. What is wrong with people? Don't you DARE tell me how to live!

On a related note some lady sitting in front of us left her seat from inning 3-6 when she returned she found my foot print on her seat. I used it as a step stool so that the people around me didn't have to stand up when I went to take a leak. Her seat offered unobstructed access to the aisle. When she returned she commented to her bald, overaged, cuckolded husband in the most annoying baby voice that "My seat is aww diwty."

I hate two things in girl conversation:
1) substituting l's and r's for baby w's
2) uptalking

Yeah I stepped on your fucking seat. GET OVER IT! Wipe it off. What do you think happens when baseball games aren't happening. I'll tell you. Dirty ass pigeons use your seat to spawn more flying rats in an act of unholy pigeon lust. They leave lice and disease behind, I promise that Big Telephone Co. Ballpark doesn't disinfect the seats.

My readers might ask wow he's on a rampage, why the bad mood sethonious?

Barry didn't hit a homer and the Giants lost. Either of those things would have made this an entirely different blog entry. Instead it has become a "fuck those jerks" kind of entry.

Fuck those jerks. Fuck 'em.