Thursday, June 07, 2007

My Trip to the East Bay

Yesterday my wife and I met some friends and their son in the east bay for dinner. And of course hilarity ensued. First I am still addicted to mad libs. What I have learned is that a lot of nouns don't really "work" no matter how funny the word is on its own, but this one was pure mad libs magic. Really I did not cheat. However events then followed where I had to restrain both my laughter and my temper...

When you are in love you greet each day with an addiction in your heart and a queef on your face.
When you are in love you see the whole wide lust through rose colored nylons and loving elbows.
When you are in love you walk by a babbling idiot, spontaneously remove your shoes roll up your tunnels, sit down and dangle your clitoris in the sparkling borscht.
When you are in love you believe beyond the shadow of a mango that you can climb to the nearest touchdown or explode in the deepest rapture.
When you are in love you feel good from the tip of your penis to the top of your appendix.

So I am sitting there laughing to myself thinking I am just the most clever person in the world and really proud of what I had accomplished when I hear "Well, I don't think that's appropriate."

I turned around to find that someone next to me, READING OVER MY SHOULDER felt it a proper setting to comment on my quiet musings. So I like to giggle about words like queef, penis and clitoris. In fact I like to double over in laughter about such silly nouns. (Yes I am still eleven, what?!)

Yes dear readers I did restrain myself, and lucky for her it was my stop so I simply said "I don't really care what you think" and walked off the train. Then later when I tried to share the story and mad lib with my wife she took the same attitude. Maybe I shouldn't say "queef" in public at a very audible volume, so I understand where she is coming from. BUT I sure as hell will write whatever I feel like in my mad libs flip book.

Then we had dinner with friends and their 2 and a half year old son. As far as children go he was probably among the most well behaved I have ever met. There was some fear issues at first, but then again I am a pretty scary looking mother fucker (at least to a 2.5 year old). Then we were treated to wonderful company after he woke up and came out of his shell. Some highlights:

1) Mom "no, don't put milk in your dump truck put some pretend dirt in your truck"
Boy "Dirt?"
Mom "pretend dirt"
Boy "OOOOHHH PRETEND DIRT" and then he quietly repeated the word "pretend" while making this rat eating cheese face and accompanying noises. Too cute.

2) The answer to any question was "yes" even if he really means "no" for example
Seth "do you want some cheese?"
boy "yes"
Seth applies cheese to bread, puts an apple on top and hands it over.
boy "here mommy you eat"
Mom "mmmmh"
Seth "sorry, I know you are perfectly capable of working a cheese plate, but now you can have some of my cooties"

3) Tickling and screaming at the table

4) The tedious drinking of milk one drop at a time by licking the straw rather than using the straw

5) At the end of the night the boy was not ready for the party to end, so he asked:
"Can wife come in the car with us?"
Parents "no she is going to go home"
boy "in our car?"
Parents "no she is going in her car"
Boy "can she come take a nap with us, we can all nap"
Parents "no she is going to go nap at her house, and we will nap at the hotel"
Boy "Yes but we all take naps"
Parents "yes we all take naps"

What a stud, his only 2 and a half and he is already hitting on married women.

All that cuteness though and I still don't want one...


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