Tuesday, June 27, 2006

I would like to introduce you to my new nemesis

This devious invention is the worst thing to plague the earth since the plague. For those that do not recognize it, this is an institutional automatic air freshener. I hate it. Not only is it set to release a noxious burst of lung shriveling malodorous chemicals, but in my office it is also mounted directly over the toilet. Thank you Mr. Janitor for that excellent placement.

Today was the last straw. I was in the middle of a bout of prune induced sphynteric fountainry when I hear that ominous (PFSHT). I was nowhere near the wipe phase of my battle. I had to sit there while taking a shot of "Voodoo Berry" mist all over my bare legs. I will draw and quarter the sick stupid fuck that invented this thing. Watch behind you, you stupid asspoopbutt.

Whatever happened to a little spritz when finished?

Tuesday, June 13, 2006


First give it up for Jude Law's penis. That's for the female readers, now for the squeamish do not continue reading.

I have started a work out regime, yeah for me whoop ti doo. I have a problem with some of the men in the locker room. There is no notion of personal space. I am an in and out kind of guy. I have no desire to sit around naked. Usually I need to get home and cook dinner for my wife so I am not one to dilly dally. Second I have no desire to be really close to gross penis. Today this guy walks up to his locker as I am putting my shoes on. OK I am putting my shoes on that means I am just about done. Dude walks up straight from the shower and put a cock right in my face as I am bent over tying my shoes. I look up, UGH! Then he turns and he has the most pimply ass I have seen in my life. I mean I talking 14 year old boy on a diet of pizza grease face level of ass zits. Then I bend down to tie the other shoe and wham he turns the penis back into my face. This time I got a whiff of it, that's how close it was. I wanted to tell the guy to back the fuck off and head back to the shower because his member was still fucking dirty. No wonder he had so many ass zits he didn't know how to wash himself.