Friday, May 25, 2007

Good one today

Today I was walking to work when I saw this woman who was decked out in full bicycle gear. She had the camelback, the super sunglasses, a helmet with a fin that made her look like the rocketeer. Remember the rocketeer...

She also had all the saddle packs, skin tight clothing and a super expensive bike she came to a stop at the redlight and fell over. It wasn't like a temporary loss of balance thing it was like a redwood being felled. Her hands did not leave her bars and her feet did not leave the pedals. She came to a stop and then Tiiiiiimmmmmbeeeeerrrrrr! she just went over. I laughed. But we have already established that I am going to hell for buying cigarettes for those 6 year olds in front of the AMPM.

Monday, May 07, 2007

Certain Social Norms

Today is my second anniversary, which is pretty darn exciting. I share everything with the woman I love, but I had to save this story so that I could blog about it. My dear wife is really my only reader so it is not so big a deal.

Growing up the public shower was a very scary place. I have seen too much gross stuff in these showers. However I have developed my own code of conduct for public showering. I have witnessed the three following issues on separate occasions, except on my Sunday gym trip all actions were committed by one offender. A new low.

The number one complaint that I have is the soap dispensers. EWWW! Too many times have I witnessed the ol' soap dispenser-groin-soap dispenser-butt-soap dispenser move. It is like your are sharing a handle right after touching junk and ass. TOTALLY NOT OK! You might as well be rubbing your cock all over some other guys butt. I use my own soap and shampoo and this is the only reason I am OK with showering in public.

The number two complaint can simply be summed up with "NO, you cannot borrow my soap." Why would you even ask?

Here is the number three complaint. I know it is a little Seinfeld-y since this topic has already been covered but again. Peeing in the shower. Yes I do it at home, it is comfortable to pee while draped in warm water. But even I will hold it in public, I will even cool off the shower temp to shrivel up a bit and make the urge go away. Standing in this group setting and then catching a whiff of that tell tale odor is just so wrong.

Also as a bonus, gym guy gave me rule number 4 standing at the urinal without shoes on is totally unacceptable. Guys miss, and you were totally OK with standing in stale composite urine. WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?!?!

To the long haired guy who broke all 3 rules and the bonus rule this Sunday. I know who you are and I will never talk to you... ever.

Tuesday, May 01, 2007

My Triumphant Return

I am feeling pretty damn rad, and I need to do something other than work through my lunch breaks. So I announce (to nobody, because nobody reads this) that I am coming back to blogging. On days that I don't have time to go do something else, I promise to blog.