Wednesday, August 30, 2006

Rate Everything

Turns out if you google for "rate my" you can rate anything from anyone this photo comes courtesy of my lovely wife who directed me to

Here are some of the others:

I think I am going to have to start my own line of

Some samples that I think must be included


Monday, August 28, 2006


Somebody once told me that the material used to make mohair sweaters came from bunny rabbits.

Cute fuzzy little bunny rabbits. I didn't think much of it because at least someone was putting them to good use. Until I thought about shearing the rabbit. How do you do that? Then I got to thinking about shearing my hair, and other animals hair. Clothes are made from hair. That is strange. Wool- sheep hair, alpacas hair is made into clothing, could you make human hair into clothing... probably. Freaky. These keratinized cells that are tightly wound together are wrapped around each other tightly to make fibers and then the fibers are wound to make garments.

Clothes from hair are like suits of armor made from dead cells. EWWW!

I think I am going to make a stand right now. I can deal with plants (cotton, linen, etc.) and I can deal with synthetic fibers like polyester. I mean the name tells you what it is, polymerized esters. Easy. I will never wear hair just cause it weirds me out.

OK I will not wear hair until I can get the image of protein armor out of my head. The good think is... I can't afford it anyway!

By the way this is an angora goat, the real source of mohair.

P.S. Let's not get started on the anal secretions of a catepillar (silk). EWWW!!!!

My Worst Fears

Rachel Ray has become a sex symbol. Ewww! I can't stand her show. I can't stand her laugh. I can't imagine what sex with her would even be like... actually maybe something like this:

Before she starts in she gets her mise en place together. "Let's see lube, handcuffs, turkey leg, strawberries, EVOO, condom"

Guy: I don't know if we need all this

RR: Don't worry I have a recipe, and if it works I'll give you a mention in my cookbook, now put the condom on.

Guy: I am not even hard

RR: take care of that while I go to commercial break

Guy: Who are you talking to, there better not be any cameras here.

RR: OK we're back, while you were gone I have mascerated 8 cups of EVOO and 8 cups of strawberries. Now I want you to slather that all over the turkey leg and smack my ass with it. Any extra strawberry/EVOO mixture can be saved for later. I think I am just going to wallow around in it while you hit me with this turkey leg.

Guy: Well you only live once

RR: Yeah tenderize that meat. Now eat all the EVOO off my butt

Guy: I'm drunk enough

RR: Now place that in here back and forth for 40-50 minutes or until it is golden brown and delicious

(now dear reader(s) I cannot even begin to describe the heinous sex noise that I envision Rachel Ray making but it is a combination of a donkey and her awful laugh).

This blog is going get me a first class one way ticked to hell.

Thursday, August 03, 2006

Whoa Tiger!

So the conversations goes a little like this


Dad- Hey

Seth- Yo Daddy-O

Dad- So are have you been eating a lot of fish? (We caught a lot of fish last weekend)

Seth- Oh we've had it twice already but I am going to lay off it tonight as (my wife) [since she really believes in web anonimity this is how I will refer to her in this story, but of course during the conversation I used her real name] is sick.

Dad- Aww too bad, what's she got.

Seth-Nasty virus, she can't even go from horizontal to vertical without gravity pulling diahrea out of her. She has just been shitting and sleeping all day.

Dad-Eww, I gotta go back to work

Seth-Alright love you.

Dad-Love you too bye.

A few hours pass when I get a call from my mom.

Mom- I heard (your wife) was sick.

Seth- Yeah and it sure isn't pretty.

Mom- I think she is pregnant.

Seth-WHOA! EASY TIGER! No there is something else going on here. Trust me it is a virus. It is going aroung at her work.

Mom- Are you sure? Those symptoms sound like pregnancy.

Seth- I am 100% sure, here why don't you talk to her.

I passed off the phone and let my wife put my mothers dreams of grand babies in 9 months gently into a coffin. Sheesh I know my Mom wants me to knock up my wife but for future reference virus does not mean impending babies. Cool the jets. Mom, you will (might) get grandbabies some day (never), but I really think my younger brother will beat me to the punch. Put your money on that horse cause this one is not ready for a foal just yet.